The superpowers of supportive communities
What is a supportive community?
It is simply a community that helps you to reach your goals.
Why are supportive communities helpful when it comes to reaching our personal goals?
They help in a number of ways …
They give us a less stressful form of motivation
Desteno’s research shows that solo motivation (not his term), is more strenuous than social motivation.
So you get more stress focusing on your self alone and your own motives
You experience less stress if you are working in ways that are more socially focused — contributing to others, working with others, etc. — even doing the same activities (ex: National spelling bee contestants)
They give us useful feedback
Working in a supportive group means you get to hear from several people about the quality of your work. When 10 people notice the same thing, it’s hard to ignore.
You also get diverse perspectives that can inform your work.
They give us validation (and can even help overcome imposter syndrome)
People need validation. That is why people argue sometimes to even convince strangers to agree with them. We want validation even if we don’t recognize this desire.
Often imposter syndrome comes from a person not yet having the validation that the identity they want to express is actually accurate.
They can’t always get the validation they need from colleagues. But in a group of people who are all revealing their challenges, they can see they are not alone. And they can get validation that the identity they desire is not inaccurate at all.
They can change a person’s identity.
Some people’s beliefs about what they can do get updated as they succeed at something. But other’s beliefs seem to resist that kind of update. Harper Lee writes To Kill A Mockingbird and then can’t write another book. Elizabeth Gilbert could have gone down the same path but found her way. Success made them afraid to try again.
However, as part of a supportive group in which each person struggles, your success becomes their success. Their success becomes your success. Your doubts are not yours alone. They are part of the collective doubts of all people who have the same project. This reduces the sting greatly. You realize you are not alone. You are never alone.
How do we know that they are helpful? What’s the research support?
What’s my experience working in communities vs. working on my own?
References
Emotional Success by David Desteno
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Specifically Chapter 3)
Research on egocentric vs. ecocentric goals
Adam grants’ research on what happens when we focus on contribution vs. not-contribution
Other goals research
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