"Good job" is not good enough: How to give meaningful praise

When you run a course, you’ll need to give your students praise that helps them know what they did well and feel confident enough to make further progress. But this isn’t as easy as it seems. Today’s article shows you a method for giving praise that will inform and inspire.

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One day, my wife suggested we make pizzas at home.

Sounds like fun, I thought. But then I saw the ingredients.

Mozzarella - Check.
Pizza crust - Check.
Pizza sauce - Check.
Pepperoni - What?

Instead, there was salami. When I balked, she said, "We'll, it's almost the same, isn't it?" But, of course, it wasn't. Pepperoni is so much better on pizza than salami. Then why did she get salami? She couldn't find the pepperoni in the store, and she already knew where the salami was.

Similarly, when we give praise, we may have an impulse to say, "Good job." Those words come easily. But they are like salami on pizza. OK, but nowhere as good as the alternative -- meaningful praise.

Let's look at how, with just a little more effort, we can go beyond "Good job" and instead give praise that informs and inspires.

So, what exactly is meaningful praise?

Meaningful praise is praise that is specific and refers to something the receiver can control. To remember, just boil it down to two words: specific and controllable.

Why are these two factors so important?

Praise needs to focus on something specific so the person knows what they did well, and it needs to relate to a controllable factor so the person can repeat the performance in the future. 

And there's a third reason - believability. Too many people have a little voice in their heads telling them they are not good enough. When they hear "good job," they may think, "Yeah, right." But if you tell them exactly what was good and it's a factor they can control, they are more likely to take in the praise.

But how on earth do we give meaningful praise?

We've all grown up to hear "good job," so often it's become a reflex. How do we overcome this habit? Here are three actions you can take that will help you create praise that is more meaningful.

First, notice positive feelings or positive results.
Notice what the person did that felt good to you or that seemed to work well.

Second, determine actions.
What did the person do that produced this positive feeling or positive result?

Third, generate words.
Tell them what they did that worked well or produced a positive feeling.

Here's an example.

Your colleague just gave a speech. You loved it. Your first instinct is to say, "Amazing speech. You did so well. The audience was really engaged." But after learning about meaningful praise, you want to say something more substantial.

You realize you've already done Step 1, notice positive feelings or results. Now comes the hard part: figuring out what she did that worked so well. As you recall the speech, you realize that she made each point with a story. Also, each story started with a curious fact. Step 2, determine actions, is complete.

Finally, you figure out what to say. "Jenny, I loved your speech. The audience was so engaged. You made each point with a story, and the stories were so engaging because you started out with a curious fact. Well done!"

You've not only made Jenny's day, but you've given her information she can use to maintain her good performance in the future.

But what if their performance didn't seem to work at all?

In such a case, praise would likely fall on deaf ears anyway. So you can dispense with it. Imagine a colleague's presentation bombed. Praise would feel inauthentic. Instead, offer support. You might say "That was tough. I'm glad you got through that." And later, when they are ready for feedback, you might offer one or two things that might make the next presentation better.

Now you know how to give praise and when not to give praise, let's talk about the most common reason people don’t give enough praise.

Many people wait for perfection to give praise.

Imagine an adult watching a 6-year-old child who loves to draw. The child excitedly shows them drawing after drawing. But they decide not to give a word of praise. Why? The drawings are far from the work of a professional. No way will they give praise to anything less than perfect.

Are we thinking this is a reasonable stance? Or do we think the adult is taking things a bit too far?

If this were a parent, we know the child would grow up starved for praise. The kid would be unlikely to put in the effort to grow an inch further as an artist, let alone reach the professional level.

When it comes to children, it's easy to see that they need praise that's appropriate for their level of development.

If six-year-old Charlie shows me a drawing, I will look with eyes of appreciation and notice his use of colors and the way he laid out his characters to tell a story. I won't hold him to a standard that is far beyond his reach.

When dealing with adults, we, too, must notice their level of development and give an appropriate response.

An adult learning to draw, must not be held to the standard of Picasso.
A colleague learning to write, must not be expected to coin a phrase like Shakespeare.
A first-time speaker, must not expect to rival Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I teach article writing, it’s difficult to find an aspect of a new student’s writing to praise at first.  But something is always working well.  There are 10 elements, I teach. I’lll find several they are using well.  An article with many flaws may have good structure, or good stories, or well thought out examples. Yes, some things can be improved and we’ll work on them.  But confidence comes from knowing what you are doing well.  And we must build confidence to ensure further progress.

We praise to help spur a person on to greater accomplishments, so we look for what works best about what they are doing now. That way they can gain confidence and repeat work works in the future.

Now we’ve covered a lot, let’s sum up the points.

- Meaningful praise is specific and refers to controllable factors.
- Being specific and controllable means the person can repeat their good performance in the future.
- You can create meaningful praise by noticing good feelings about a performance, figuring out what they did to produce those good feelings in you, then putting it into words.
- If things go badly, give support, not praise.
- Don’t wait for perfection to give praise. Give praise that helps the person appreciate their current skill-level.

Next step

The next time you’re tempted to say “good job” stop for a moment and think of one meaningful element that was good, then share that. The recipient will appreciate your thoughtfulness.  

You’ll be building a skill that will help your students when you find yourself leading a course in the future.